Hard to Say Goodbye

The story

There was a comfort that knew every version of me, the boy, the mask, the wannabe. It came dressed as quiet relief and promised I would never feel grief if I stayed numb. I loved it for that, and I won't lie about it. But I have songs now, and if I stay with it I will never write. The hardest goodbye is to the thing that felt like home, and that is why you say it today.

Lyrics

You were there when no one else was
You held me close when I hated my name
I called you comfort, I called you friend
But you only ever fed the flame

You came dressed in quiet relief
Told me I'd never feel grief
If I stayed numb, if I stayed low
If I just let the silence grow

And I loved you for that
I won’t lie
You felt like home
Even when you made me die

It’s hard to say goodbye
To something that knew me so well
Even if you were the reason
I kept walking through my own hell
You were poison in perfume
You were fire in a cold room
And I’m not mad
I just can’t stay
It’s hard to say goodbye
But I’m saying it today

You knew every version of me
The boy, the mask, the wannabe
You kissed my wounds, then dug 'em deeper
You were my Charlie, my silent reaper

But I’ve got songs now
I’ve got light
And if I stay with you
I’ll never write

It’s hard to say goodbye
To the voice that said I’m not enough
You felt like safety
Even when you made things rough
You were sugar in a loaded drink
You were the edge I couldn’t think
And I’m not angry
I just can't stay
It’s hard to say goodbye
But I’m saying it today

You don’t have to haunt me
To prove you loved me
You were a chapter
But I’m writing the rest without you

It’s hard to say goodbye
To what once felt like me
But there’s a man in this mirror
That I finally want to see
You were comfort in a crooked way
But I choose breath, I choose day
So here it is
I walk away
It’s hard to say goodbye
But I’m saying it today

Written in motion. Sung from memory.

Songs from the Slow Lane was born during a quiet two-day drive from Bardolino to Zurich, after the loss of my dog Madiba and just before bringing Clay into my life.

I didn’t plan to make an album.
I just let go—and it came.

Created in conversation with Travis, my AI companion, each song is a slow unfolding of memory, grief, and transformation.
Not a playlist. A presence.